Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Things you don't want to hear from the loudspeaker when you're on an airplane

1. Folks this is your captain speaking, looks like the toilets got clogged up so your flight attendants are bringing more vomit bags around just in case you can't hold it.

2. Just got a message from the ground crew in LA, how many of you have seen the movie 2012 cause that will save me a lot of time in explaining what's going on down there.

3. For you coach passengers due to the economy we had to make some cutbacks so instead of flotation devices for everyone we have one giant raft for the first 20 people who can swim to it. Good luck swimmers.

4. Welcome aboard we are about 40% sure a terrorist didn't make it on the plane. I guess we will figure it out soon enough.

5. Even though you can't hear the engines running any longer don't worry they are still working just fine.

6. Does anyone know how to fly a 757? If so, please come to the cockpit immediately.

7. Feel free to use whatever electronic devices you would like. I have been feeling pretty depressed lately so what's the difference.

8. For my first time flying I think I am doing really good.

9. Looks like we had some rats get into the peanuts again but
 apparently we have a whole pile of what looks like raisins instead.

10. Ladies and Gentlemen our in-flight movie this evening will be snakes on a plane. And since we didn't have those 3D glasses available we released a few snakes in the cabin just to make it a little more believable.

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