Saturday, August 8, 2015

Turning Family Pictures into loads of fun

What can I say I love to joke, but probably I shouldn't do it all the time. Even though I know that I always do and have no plans of stopping. I hate getting pictures done and I am probably not alone.  So since it's something that I probably should do when my asks me to I thought I better at least try and make it fun,  So here is a tip when getting your pictures taken with the family or by yourself.  What you want to do is tell the photographer you are a little nervous and that you haven't ever done this before, then in about 15 or 20 seconds unzip your pants and ask them if this is when you are supposed to take your pants off.  I keep looking serious so they don't think I am joking.  I do this to every photographer wherever I am at and whoever I am with.  It makes pictures not suck so much.  Once they laugh or look at you strangely just ask them seriously if they have ever filmed anyone naked. I think it is a standard question.  It normally makes them very uncomfortable and want to get things done quicker.  Plus if they are photographing me then I just want to know what they are thinking as they are taking the pictures.  Either way you sped up the process and you had a little fun while doing it.

So next time you are taking pictures give it a try and it won't suck so very bad.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

How I motivate myself

There are lots of motivating things in this world. A gun pointed at my head would get me moving and a breakfast sandwich would get me up in the morning, but for those times when I am feeling down talking to someone really helps. Not just anyone, but there are people in this world that really know how to listen. For me it is me, no one listens to me better then I do. After a while people seem to get tired of my rambling, but not me, I can sit and talk to myself for hours on end. Just this evening I replayed a movie in my head. Dumb and Dumber is a great show isn't it, I would say as we were watching together, well in my head we were watching.  We make jokes together and laugh for hours. You are really only alone if you kill your soul and the both of us are still going strong.

Now I know what you are thinking right now, you are probably thinking
 great post jerk face this has nothing to do with the title of the post, but sadly you are wrong my friend. Most of us if we needed something done and only had a few minutes we would light a fire or call the police, describe ourselves as an assailant and work really hard to be gone when they got there, thus completing the very task that needs to get done. And yes this is very motivating, but one mistake could be costly to the pervert you described aka YOU. Now I know that some people think I am a genius and although tests have partially confirmed this, I don't want that kind of thing getting into my head.

I would like to share my secret to motivation and yes again it is me. Everyone knows your soul is really the strong one. You can be so self motivating that all the prank phone calls to the cops or the self help books that you overpay for won't be needed any longer. No more going to the many therapists you have gone to since you were a kid, because your parents thought you were crazy and said Jacob this is for your own good, all that can be tossed in the garbage including the thyroid medicine--toss that in there as well.   I am my own doctor now and the only medicine I need is self subscribed. So really this is the secret: each and everyday I look myself in the mirror and tell the person looking back at me how much better I am than them. I say, hey if I wanted I could kill you and you would be gone. Now I don't take it overboard to where it is scary--I keep it intense for sure, but tasteful, tasteful and intense I call it. I say over and over I am better then you and you know it. By the time I am done I feel awesome like I can do anything I ever wanted to do. All because I decided to take control of my own mind and live like I was dying or going to die because of what has been said in the mirror. Then at the end of the day I patch things up between the two of us, that is when we laugh and laugh a lot. (Me and ME again). I want to make sure I sleep well and I am not scared something is going to happen, but as always the morning comes and I am back at it again.

Well that's it, that's the big one. The big secret to my success and the reason I am me. Anyway enjoy your next meal and next time you are looking in the mirror think of this story and go to it.

Monday, August 3, 2015

My thoughts while climbing a tree

The other day I was at the park with my family.  It was a nice day and all was well so I thought what the heck lets climb a tree.  Often in life we climb trees, for some of us the tree is a college education, for some of us the tree is starting a business, for me the tree was actually a tree that was planted in the ground that you can actually climb. So I started up the tree and after climbing up 30-40 feet I thought, wow this is not as I remembered it. But what was different I thought? I have done this a ton of times. I used to climb a lot of trees when I was a kid. Then it dawned on me, I did climb a lot of trees as a kid, but it was mostly in the dark and near my neighbors windows. This was during the day and this time it was for the thrill of it. My kids and wife were impressed and this time I was no longer that wierdo starring at you in the dark, I was a man starring down at you in the light of day.