Scared to death of death

There is nothing in this world that I am more afraid of then death. I am scared to death of death. Not the pain of dying that doesn't bother me a whole lot, but just the not being here. Mainly I would be super ANGRY if my wife got re-married. I am going to tell you now, whoever tries to date my wife if I die first I will do my best to haunt and kill you when I am a ghost. I sure hope I have killing powers after I die cause I will use them for sure to better my marriage. Anyway enough crazy talk this is supposed to be a post about the good of dying. Yes I know what you are thinking there is no good part about dying and yes that is also true, but I like to look at the bright side of things. I am one of those people who see the good in all. Anyway after doing some research basically in my own brain I came up with these positives on dying.

1. When you die you won't have to worry about that last drop of pee getting on your leg cause you didn't shake off good enough because you were in a hurry for some reason. Definately looking forward to that.

2. No more kids waking you up instead you can keep them awake all night by haunting and scaring them for fun. Paybacks are great, suckers.

3. Being late is no longer a worry, you just think it and you are there and even if you aren't ready you will be when you get there.

4. I hear that all the meals are buffets and all the buffets are free up in heaven. If I make it that will be a treat in itself.

5. No more wondering who has been trying to kill you. You will now know and have time to plan revenge.

6. No more worrying about having your life insurance lapse. Don't care about missing a payment now, cause that sucker has been cashed in. Jacob 1, Insurance Company 0!!!

7. Forgetting stuff won't be a big deal at all. Forgot your wallet that is okay this one's on the house. Forget your keys that is okay you will be picked up in a limo if you want. It will be like the 4 seasons without the snooty hotel staff.

8. No more pesky math problems. Only addition and subtraction will be there. I guess maybe the other two important ones can come(multiplication and division) as long as they don't bring there lame friends x and y and start doing algebra again.

9. No more wondering what the next MLM you will be pitched on is going to be. This time you are the pyramid.

10. No more jury duty. I actually haven't had to be on a jury and everyone knows that most of the time they either flip a coin to solve the case or take a vote by text via your cell phone to see if someone is innocent, but once you die you finally have a valid excuse. No other excuse is good enough, so once you are dead you need not fear getting put in jail for not showing up to something that has already been predetermined anyway.

I of course am kidding about the last one. I know that the system doesn't work like that, but all in all a couple of really valid points to being okay with going if it is something that does happen. I still don't want to go and I would kill not to, but I don't think I will have to, at least not today. As my good friend Doogie Howser MD would say goodbye for now or something like that.