It's that time of year again when all the morons at the department stores across the country get together and tell us what our moms will want for Mother's Day this year. Well this time I am not listening to them, apparently sweaters aren't a good spring gift ya jerks. Sorry, sorry about that language in front of the women, but darn it sometimes I just get so sick of hearing ads. Unless I write them I don't want to see them. Call me selfish, call me whatever you want and I will probably answer. Anyway enough about what I want let's talk about what mom wants. First off don't worry about getting your mom something cause I already took care of it. HA HA HA. Do you guys get it? LOL, dang that is funny. Sorry, sorry again I will concentrate this time.
Gift Idea 1: The always classic home made card. Now I know what you are thinking: Jacob you say a card but my handwriting sucks. And to that I would say so does mine. I was told earlier this month that someone at the bank wouldn't take the checks I had written cause they were so poorly written.(Not kidding, I think my 7 year old has about the same handwriting I do) Now I could have taken that as an insult and thought I am a loser and I should lay down on the freeway at night and have someone run me over cause I suck at handwriting, but I didn't. I now just found out how to buy another couple of days on all of my bills. Check and mate suckers. Anyway back to the card idea. Your mom will love it cause it is from your heart . If you are feeling up to it have a cardiogram done and put the results in the card that way it really will be from the heart.
Gift Idea 2: The get out of jail free card. (Use cautiously if your mom is a jailbird.) Mom will know you really care with this one. You can make your own or your nieghbors monopoly games will have these already made for you. No one will miss them since kids these days play online games instead of board games, plus you use your neighbors just in case you want to play strip monopoly with the wife and you want that card in there. Trust me it is an important one when playing. Also seriously if I ever need to borrow a game please just loan it to me and don't ask a bunch of questions, that makes things easier for both of us.
Gift Idea 3: Vacation brochures - those little brochures can turn an ordinary vacation into an extraordinary vacation. Who doesn't love junk mail, right? Mom's love mail, just getting something is great. And what is almost as good as junk mail? That's right vacation brochures!!!!Simply go down to your locally owned travel agency, yes they do still exist although a dying breed, and tell them you are dying and that you are traveling the world before you go(die). This usually brings a tear to their eye which is fun in it's own right, but don't forget you are there for the vacation brochures. Just get in and get out, but if you use that line you can have brochures from all over the world and for free. Promotional items - LOL - suckers.
Well that is it for this session, I hope you enjoyed it and until next time, farewell.
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